It's time to clean up my act. There was a time, not too long ago, when I was healthy, feeling good in my body, and was actively engaged in my own personal growth. In the past few years, however, I have let things slide. I've gotten busy and there never seems to be enough time to get to the yoga studio or cook a healthy meal. I've let the "I'm too busy" excuse get in the way of taking care of myself.
Recently, as you have read here on the blog, I have begun the process of reinhabitting my body by kickin' it with Robin and the Bridal Boot Camp crew. Working hard on becoming fit again also brings into focus how much extra food I put in my mouth. Sure, I'm eating for two still, but even though I am expending extra calories to nurse Ellie, I cannot continue to eat whatever I want, whenever I want and expect to reach the level of fitness I desire. Therefore, I am eating mindfully. I am definitively NOT dieting. I am, rather, being very conscious of the quality and quantity of the foods I eat and making better choices.
Making these changes is hard. I am surrounded constantly by peer pressure to eat things that are not good for me. Whether it's the barage of advertisements on the television for all manner of tasty treats or a well-meaning friend bringing me sweets at the shop, I feel coerced into eating poorly. Our culture looks upon food as an expression of love, as symbols of status, as comfort for a hard day. Food is part of how we create community. When someone offers me food and I turn it down, I feel as though I'm being ungrateful.
As a child, Nana soothed the rough patches with toast laden with homemade jam, cookies, cake. My grandma and grandpa offered Twinkies and treats from the Chinese grocery store. My mom took me to McDonald's. Somewhere along the line food became synonymous with love. Eating those foods now, I feel connected to those people, to those good times and loving memories. A part of me feels like rejecting those foods is a rejection of those I love.
So how do I escape from this tyrrany of food? I think I need to start journaling my food intake. Not to count calories, but to bring my attention to what I eat. We've asked folks not to bring food to share to the shop. I began to notice that I was eating a lot of extra snacks at the shop because people bring in food to share and it stays there. They go home and then there's more food staring me in the face. Throwing it out seems wasteful. In addition, we have so many folks with food allergies and other food issues who have voiced support of this plan. When you're hypoglycemic or diabetic and you're constantly having to turn down offers of food, it can trigger feelings of deprivation. I also want Ellie to learn good eating habits. And, frankly, having unattended food around is a health hazard to Ellie and the other little ones who frequent the shop.
The changes may be subtle at first, but I hope that this will build the foundation for living better throughout the rest of my life.
They happen so quickly, those milestone moments. This morning Ellie crawled for the first time. Granted, it's the commando crawl, with her belly on the floor. It's like the baby version of doing "the Worm". It's both exciting and sobering to watch her growing so fast, my sweet baby girl. Next week she will be nine months old. I don't know how to make the time move more slowly. I want to savor each and every beautiful moment of her babyhood. 
